290+ Best Quote About Parenthood & Parenting | Funny New Parents Quotes

The Value of Parenting Quotes

There are many parenting quotes out there. Parenting is a tough job and with so many different opinions out there, it can be hard to know what to do. The one thing that can be helpful is reading quotes from other parents.

Reading what they have said, realizing that they have gone through the same things, and seeing how they got through it can be helpful. Quotes can also be used when talking to your children or family members who are struggling as they may be able to relate.

Parenting is one of the hardest jobs in the world, and very few people have a sense of what it entails when they get into it.

Parenting is difficult, but quotes can be helpful in getting through the hard times.

Famous Quotes About Parenthood

“Teach your kids to be generous, and the world will beat a path to their door”

“A baby’s face gives you the first clue as to how he’ll turn out.”

“I haven’t lost my mind, I’ve just misplaced it for a while.”

“Children are mini-adults… they’re just smaller, slower and dumber.”

“A man is not old until his regrets outnumber his dreams.”

“My mother taught me how to treat my children… but also how to treat other people’s children as well!”

“Children are the only people in the world who don’t hide their feelings.”

“I’m glad I have children, but I wish my children were glad that they had parents.”

“Kids are people too, you know… although they’re not people.”

“The real heroes of society aren’t the ones who go out and kill others… it’s the ones who go out and raise others!”

Quote About Planned Parenthood

“The only good thing about Planned Parenthood, as far as I know, is that they have never killed a live baby. And it’s not even their job to kill them.”

“I’d like to see somebody who goes into medical school or law school or anything where you have to study for years and think about your future and think about what you want out of life, I’d like to see those people counsel women on pregnancy.”

“Planned Parenthood makes money by pregnant people having more babies. The more people they have, the more money they make.”

“I hate it because I don’t want to be aborted.”

“You have a bunch of little faces and then you have to vote on which one you hate the most.”

“We’re going to take that baby and we’re going to chop its head off in exactly the same way that we take other babies and chop their heads off.”

“I’m not sure how many children are alive today because of Planned Parenthood’s efforts. But I am sure that any number would be too high.”

“The business of Planned Parenthood is abortion. And that’s well over 90 percent of what Planned Parenthood does.”

“Planned Parenthood has done something so bad—if we don’t talk about it and we don’t stop it, in my opinion, the whole world is going to hell. Their whole business model depends on the murder of a baby you can see through their eyes.”

“Planned Parenthood is an abortion factory, and we need to change that.”

“Planned Parenthood was founded and is supported by eugenicists. Planned Parenthood believes that people with disabilities, especially those born with disabilities, should have no chance at life.”

“If we could get rid of Planned Parenthood, every abortion would be stopped immediately.”

“If they didn’t do abortions and did cancer screenings and brought health care to women in this country then I would be all for it.”

“We have to change the laws in this country so that unborn children are protected . That is what has to be done. That is the bottom line.”

“Planned Parenthood is the largest abortion provider in the world and they target minorities. They target black communities, they target Hispanic communities, they target poor women and they kill them.”

“Planned Parenthood’s one goal is to get you hooked on government money and then make more money killing you. That’s their business model.”

“The first thing that pops into my mind when I think of Planned Parenthood? A baby.”

“I am not just pro-life. I’m ’til life do us part.”

“Planned Parenthood has no interest in life. They’re only interested in money. They’re only interested in killing children.”

“I’m really concerned about the over-population of the world and this seems like a reasonable solution to me.”

“Planned Parenthood doesn’t use their abortion income to help women, they use it to kill more babies.”

“Planned Parenthood is a cold, dead place. If we want real health care, we shouldn’t be sending millions of dollars to Planned Parenthood.”

“The reason that they were created in the first place is that Margaret Sanger believed that certain people should not have children. And she said specifically — and I quote her — ‘ The most merciful thing that one can do for the poor and unfortunate is to exterminate them .’”

New Parents Quotes

“I have a new theory about babies. When you pick them up, they are so light that air gets trapped in their lungs and they start crying!”

“I’m sorry I can’t hold your baby right now. I’m tired and my back hurts from carrying him around all day.”

“When you’re holding your baby, it’s like they’re weightless.”

“Having children is like having the most beautiful glass sculpture in the world for three minutes, then someone breaks it. ”

“My baby won’t stop crying. I’m going to have to put him in jail, where he’ll get no food, no water and piss on himself for three hours.”

“I feel like my husband is a plumber and we’re living in an upside-down house.”

“We went out shopping for baby clothes. Let’s just say we won’t be putting our child in any of the outfits.”

“Our son is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. His face is like a peach, and he’s the color of ice.”

“My husband forgot to feed our baby, so she had a tantrum in the middle of the supermarket. All these people stopped and watched her for twenty minutes.”

“My husband just turned thirty-five, but can still give my baby CPR.”

“My daughter has been crying for two hours straight. I’m going to have to drown her at birth.

“My son fell off the sofa and hit his head on the coffee table. I don’t think he’s going to make it.”

“I just got a song stuck in my head called ‘Pussy on my Pillow.’”

“My daughter is so crazy, she was born without a belly-button.”

“I was holding my baby over a balcony when I accidentally dropped him, but thankfully he grabbed onto the railing and pulled himself up.”

“I used to play soccer, but after a while, I realized that it wasn’t helping my baby get into college.”

“I just saw the cutest thing! Some woman was carrying her baby around with one hand, and texting on her phone with the other!”

“My son is so cute, that he makes me want to throw up.”

“My baby can’t sleep, because he’s convinced he’s being eaten by lions.”

“All my friends told me to get a dog for my kids. I was like, ‘Hell no! My kids are crazy enough as it is!’

“My daughter has been coughing and sneezing so much that she’s been eating her own boogers.”

“I’m going to be the best mom in the world, even though I don’t feel qualified for anything.”

“My toddler won’t stop pooping in his pants, so I decided to just let him walk around naked. Problem solved!”

“I just saw a baby with a pacifier duct-taped to its head, like they’re trying to keep it in.”

“I just got a text message from my husband that said, ‘When you get home from shopping, try not to have sex with our son.’ ”

“My daughter is so cute, I just want to squeeze her and squeeze her until she turns into toothpaste.”

“I’m going to teach my baby the value of a dollar by letting him play with my credit card.”

“When your baby is crying, there’s no point in getting him anything to drink, because he’ll just spit it out.”

“My son keeps trying to climb the stairs. The other day, I had to tie him around his waist so he couldn’t fall down and hurt himself.” 1

“My crazy neighbor was coming over for dinner because she heard we have a new baby.

“When I was pregnant, I had so much gas that I farted my baby out.”

“I was walking around the other day with my baby in one arm and a beer in the other. People thought I was a drunk mother.”

“A woman got on the bus with her dog and she asked if she could sit next to me since her dog was blocking her view of the road.”

Quotes About Parenthood Funny

  • “I wish something would happen so my baby will stop screaming bloody murder.”
  • “I’ve got everything I need: a husband, a job, a house and I even have time to raise a child.”
  • “My baby is so cute that he makes me want to puke.”
  • “My baby is only fourteen days old and the doctor just told me that he has no face.”
  • “When I was pregnant, I had this kick boxing instructor over, and for some reason she was letting her eyes linger on my belly button.”
  • “I was holding my baby over a balcony when I accidentally dropped him, but thankfully he grabbed onto the railing and pulled himself up. Then I got a call from the courts, because they thought I’d tried to kill him.”
  • “My son won’t stop screaming. So I strapped him to the roof of the car with some bungee cords.”
  • “When my son was born, I had such bad gas that he popped out.”
  • “I was walking along the street with my baby. We were holding hands. Then I tripped over the curb and I was like, ‘Oh my god, did you just eat your hand?’ “
  • “I’m going to be the best mom in the world, even though I don’t feel qualified for anything.”
  • “My baby is so cute that he makes me want to throw up.”
  • “My baby is so cute that he’s given me a run for my money.”
  • “I was walking down the street and I saw this guy holding his baby over a railing on the 50th story of a skyscraper. My immediate thought was: ‘Hey, baby, you’re the one in danger here.’ “
  • “I just saw a baby climbing up on top of his mother’s car and pushing her down onto the hood.”
  • “I think I’m developing a crush on my child.

Quotes About Responsible Parenthood

“It takes a village to raise a child.”

“It’s not just about the children, it’s about our planet and our future.”

“I don’t want to close any doors on her by telling her she can’t do something because I’m afraid of what her life would be like.”

“There are no human rights more basic than those of motherhood”

“I do my best. I sing the blues.”

“There is a sense of relief that comes with parenting.”

“I think it’s interesting to think about what life would be like to have my daughter here at this time, versus how much more pleasurable it would be than what she has going on now.”

“As a parent, you have two choices: you can either get your children involved in some creative expression or you can sit on the sidelines and stare at them.”

“I love being a parent, and I want to be the best mother, husband and father that I can possibly be.”

“The things that scare me are things like nuclear fission and biological warfare.”

“Always remember to make your needs a priority … because if you do, it will leave more time and money for your goals.”

“You can’t multiply what you don’t have”

“Marry her if you love her, and give her lots of money.”

“I do believe that we can combat materialism with a healthy dose of gratitude and a sense of responsibility for others.”

Inspirational Parenting Quotes

  • Let your children be free
  • Allow them to explore the world.
  • Teach them the joy of cooking
  • It’s easy to prepare a meal and connect with your kids in meaningful ways.
  • Let yourself be one of the children they learn from
  • Be proud that they are following in your footsteps!
  • Don’t reject the idea of grandparents as you age into an empty nest, welcome their wisdom, love and support unconditionally!
  • Always acknowledge their talents and their efforts and be firm in your expectations of them.
  • Teach them about the power of words. Words have the power to hurt or heal.
  • Show respect for others. It matters when your child learns how to respect other people’s belongings and feelings.
  • Teach them to honor what is important to you — whether it is keeping a tidy room or helping a friend in need!
  • Teach them to say what is on their minds.
  • Show them that they are important and loved
  • Remember that learning requires you to be fully present and attentive to your children.
  • Let them get to know their parents’ own childhoods as a way of making a connection with their own parents!
  • Never forget it’s okay for your child to find you boring, infuriating, or irrelevant at times! You can accept this part of parenting!
  • Teach them to be kind. Kindness is one of the most important values that we can learn in life.
  • Never apologize for anything — not even a bad day!
  • Have fun with your children and laugh at their jokes
  • Play games with them
  • Look them in the eyes and make eye contact when you say something serious or important to them, this will create trust between you!
  • Give them the power to make their own decisions and take responsibility for their choices.
  • Be playful with your love and always remember to appreciate the beauty of each day!
  • Teach children how to share or share. Sharing is a good thing
  • Let them know that you are proud of them
  • Never compare your child to another friend or sibling
  • To show them that you love their individuality and support them unconditionally for who they are
  • Children will always want your approval but that doesn’t mean you have to give it all the time. You need to be honest with your children and ultimately they will appreciate that!
  • Show them what it means to be generous by making charitable donations in their names.

Famous Quotes About Parenthood

  • Teach them to NEVER use the word “hate”.
  • Share your passions with them.
  • High expectations always lead to success
  • Don’t give up on your dreams, even if you fail the first time.
  • Let them know that you will always love them unconditionally  for who they are and what they do!
  • Be open minded and try to learn from your children because you never know what you may be missing out on by being stubborn about an issue!
  • Be sure to listen to them
  • Be a good listener
  • You have the best role model you can ask for!
  • Show them what they can achieve  by setting high expectations for themselves
  • Encourage them to always do their best and to aim high in everything they do.
  • Never compare your child with another child, no one will ever be as amazing as you or your child will never be as amazing as others!
  • Be a good role model and set good examples for them
  • There is no such thing as a perfect parent. Accept it!
  • Treat them with respect and let them know it’s never too late to say you’re sorry!
  • Never forget that even if you lose your temper, they still love you!
  • Laugh with them more than you laugh at them!
  • Be their hero without trying to be a superman or a superwoman!
  • Make them feel special and loved and always make sure they know you love them.
  • Be there for them, not just when they want something.  Allow them to lean on you when they need it most. Give your undivided attention to your children!
  • Don’t pressure a child to choose one side or the other of an issue, let them make their own decisions in their own time and place with no pressure
  • Always listen to him/her when he has something important to say
  • Give him/her time to get things done at their own pace
  • Never be scared to take a risk and try new things!
  • Use your imagination to encourage him/her towards achievement, by imagining the possibilities
  • Give them the freedom they need to explore life.  Let them know you are willing to help them learn about themselves, circumstances and people in their world
  • Ask them to share things that are bothering them instead of you just guessing what’s wrong with them
  • Encourage their explorations and allow them to make mistakes
  • Set a good example yourself, the best lesson you can ever teach your children is by example. Show him/her what they should and shouldn’t do.
  • Don’t be afraid to learn from your children!  Everything they do has a valuable lesson in it!
  • Learn from your mistakes and always try to do better!

Positive Parenting Quotes

Set an example of what you would like a child to grow up to be just as the way you were raised by your parents!

Be patient with them, make sure they achieve their goals and help them to learn about themselves

Teach children that it’s okay to disappoint you and be there for them when they need it.

Tell them you love them everyday

Be your child’s playmate and enjoy their company!  Have fun with them!

Set aside one-on-one time with your children just for the two of you, this will make a huge difference in your relationship with them

Remember to say thank you and I love you to show gratitude for all the good things they do

Support them in their dreams and listen to their problems. Its what makes the difference between an okay parent and a great one!

Tell your children everything you can about the world around them so they will feel more confident in all their choices.

Don’t compare your kids to other kids, make sure that they know that they are special in their own way!

Find out what you child’s talents are and help him/her to develop it further

Look at your child as a mini you in his/her own world and encourage him/her to achieve his/her goals

Engage children through play and make sure that they aren’t spending their time on the phone or facebooking instead of socialising

Kids should be taught how to plan and research ahead of time before taking part in a test or assignment for school

Encourage your child to learn how to cook for themselves as they will be able to make better choices about what they eat

Make sure that children are learning to share and play cooperatively so they can get along with each other in life

Encourage your children to understand that there is much more to their personality than just being “a good student” for example, try to encourage them to notice what they like about themselves (their strengths) and talk with them about developing these further

Parenting Quotes Funny

“The worst parenting mistake you can make is discouraging your child from dreaming.”

“All parents are totally guilty of hovering and making sure their kids don’t burn their fingers or go off the deep end when the reality is, most of them are just not that good at navigating those deep waters.”

“You have to let your children find themselves and let them own themselves before they can even really live.”

“The biggest thing for me is perspective. I mean it’s easy to be a cynic and say, ‘Who cares?’ But I really do believe in the power of art and the ability of great art to change a person’s life.”

“Parenting is not for cowards. It is for people who will make mistakes but who will be elegant in their attempts to right those wrongs.”

“You have to break your children – your son must break from you, and your daughter must break from you. But if they don’t have a breaking point, they’ll keep on going.”

“Most of us love our children, but most of us are not very good at being parents.”

“We all have those moments when we want to crawl into a hole and die.”

“I think at some point or another we’re all going to be parents, and it’s hard enough as adults getting through it, I can’t imagine how that would be as a child. It’d just be terrifying.”

“You have to let your children find themselves and let them own themselves before they can even really live.”

“I do think kids are a lot more honest and direct by nature than adults which is nice. We get so afraid to be honest with them that we tend to play games with our children.”

“You just have to parent. Part of it is not being afraid to have the conversations that you need to have as a parent.”

“I think parenting is 50 percent love, and 50 percent guts.”

“It’s a privilege and honor to be one of those parents that is there for her child at all times.” Lisa Rinna

“You can’t change a person who doesn’t want to be changed.”

“You have to let your children find themselves and let them own themselves before they can even really live.”

“I was 21 years old when I had my daughter. She was a tough kid, and she had many issues that even a lot of adults don’t go through. So I went into her life with a lot of respect for her, knowing that she’s going through life with these things now.”

“You know I’m a parent. I have to draw the line somewhere.”

“I’m a fan of being real and true to who you are, but you can be honest and tell your children you love them without pretending that everything is perfect.”

“The two most important pieces of advice I ever got were from my mother: One was to always make my bed in the morning; the other was that if someone asks you for something, give it to them.”

“The worst parenting mistake you can make is discouraging your child from dreaming.”

“You have to let your children find themselves and let them own themselves before they can even really live.”

“I have a daughter who is very into horses, so I got her the Big Idea Box for Christmas. It was filled with videos of horses running around in circles and grazing.”

“The biggest mistake I ever made was not putting my daughter in an early learning center when she was an infant.”

“I’m definitely a parent who would give anything for some quiet time, and my kids know it, so they never allow me to have it.”

“I am a working mom; I just want to work hard, be a great mother and do all the things that I want to do in life.”

“We all have those moments when we want to crawl into a hole and die.”

“I think parenting is 50 percent love, and 50 percent guts.”

“It’s a privilege and honor to be one of those parents that is there for her child at all times.”  Lisa Rinna

“Parenting is really hard work. It’s very rewarding, but it’s also very hard work, and I think we tend to forget about the rewards because we’re up against it so much.

Quote About Parenthood

“We are not perfect parents and we don’t claim to be.”

“It’s not that your kids live with you, it’s that your life with them.”

“Your kids will never be as happy as you are when they’re playing in their own place away from the house.”

“You’re either getting better or getting worse – there’s no in-between.”

“Choose your parents carefully – they’re the ones who’ll be sitting in the pews on your wedding day.”

“I said that to my mother after one of my many tantrums, which was either selfishness or anger or both, I’m not sure which. She said, ‘Well, at least you know where you stand’ and awarded me three days of extra prayers each night.”

“Dads are like air bags. They save kids from your mistakes.”

“A child is a wish a mother makes when she can’t make the world better.”

“When you have children, you automatically become a member of a large extended family… with messed-up parents.”

“If you’re not willing to drop everything to chase after your children, then they should get out of the house and start their own lives.”

“Parenting is mighty hard because you never know what one of your children might do.”

“Kids can have bad effects on adults.”

“Being a parent is the best thing that ever happened to me. But it’s also the worst.”

“One of the best things about being a parent is that you get to choose never to be a parent again.”

“I don’t have children – I’m an adult with a child allowance and I think it’s pathetic!”

“Parenting is a lot like a crossword puzzle. Every day when you look at the puzzle, it’s the same thing – but the longer you go, the harder it gets.”

“I think kids are overrated. They’ve got their good points but they don’t have any bad ones.”

“I’m not having another kid until I know exactly how my last one died.”

“Mothers want to be perfect. Fathers hope they can be. Both are disappointed.”

“I’m the only one who likes being a parent – it’s hard work, but it doesn’t last long.”

“All of a sudden you realize that your child has suffered from not being able to communicate with the world around them and they’re going to learn again and they’re going to be fine. And you’re responsible for that.”

“My father’s idea of a good time was watching a hockey game on TV while gardening.”

“It’s not easy being alone in your children’s lives.”

“It’s better to be bad at parenting than never to have tried at all.”

“You can raise kids any way you want, but you can’t raise them happy if you don’t let them figure out how to do it themselves.”

“The only way to raise children is to withdraw as much as you can.”

“Children are like prisoners, they have their own way of growing and their own agenda.”

“I hate to be late… I’d rather be early…”

“It’s not what you know, it’s what you don’t know that counts.”

“You don’t always have to teach something correctly – sometimes just pointing out when it’s wrong is enough.”

“My mother’s idea of a good time was watching my sister and I play hopscotch.”

“Your mother always said that a child is a person who does not want to grow up.”

“Children are the most amazing things – so many of them are awful and many more make you really wish you never had children because they make you feel even worse than before.”

“Children don’t tell lies, but they tell the truth in tiny doses.”

Parents are people who have completed their own adolescence.”

“Kids are like storms, you don’t know how they’re going to behave until they get here.”

“I’d rather have a child who’s an adult than one that’s not an adult at all.”

“Kids will always say the wrong thing at the wrong time – it’s a little joke that keeps them in line.”

“Kids are proof that perfect love can exist… but not for long.”

“If your kids are upset and complaining all the time, then you know you’re doing something right.”

“Once a child has reached the age of reason, he or she is responsible for his or her actions.”

“If you want to make your children happy in life, just give them a good start. Although if they’re very lucky, they’ll be able to catch up with you in life.”

“To my mother, a closed mouth gathers no feet. ”

“Kids are like electricity; they hurt if you touch them and they hurt if you don’t.”

“Children are like a drug, minus the fun.”

“I’m not going to have another child unless he’s got a good personality, looks good and is polite.”

“My children are my pride and joy – I haven’t done anything to make them so ungrateful to their parents yet!”

“Kids are like snowflakes, they all look different.”

“I feel sorry for children. The future has too many problems for them to worry about now.”

“A baby’s weight when it’s born is a good indication of how it will be after it dies.”

“Children are our future… but sometimes we wish they would stay the same age forever.”

Also Check: 239+ Quotes-Children Who Disrespect Their Parents Quotes

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