225+ (FUNNY) Best Ron Swanson Quotes| Parks and Recreation Quotes

Ron Swanson Quotes

“Who is Ron Swanson?”

Ron Swanson is a fictional character on TV show Parks and Recreation who is played by Nick Offerman. The show first aired in 2009.  He is the Director of Parks and Recreation for the fictional town of Pawnee, Indiana. This is a position he has held since the show began.

He is also a male, middle-aged, Republican who is very masculine and likes classic men’s things like meat, whiskey, and guns.

Ron Swanson is an amazing leader who has helped create a strong and influential government for the town of Pawnee. He is a man of great integrity and honor.

He stands for what he believes in and will not back down from a fight. He is not political and does not believe in the bureaucratic system, but he does believe in the men and women in America.

Ron Swanson is best known to be adamant about manliness, bacon, and other things. He sits as a councilman on the Pawnee City Council. Although he is good friends with Leslie Knope, he often clashes with her ideologies.

Ron Swanson is typically portrayed as a man that loves bacon, hates government interference in businesses, and that would much rather be in his wood shop than at the office.

He is also often portrayed to be an avid follower of T.V. series’ about the Civil War, such as Gettysburg. Ron Swanson is a man that likes to be left alone to do work that he enjoys.

He works in the Parks and Recreation department of the City of Pawnee, Indiana, and is often seen in his office with a book about the Civil War.

Best Ron Swanson Quotes /Parks and Recreation Quotes

“There’s more than one crib tree in a forest. That’s not a lesson, by the way, just a comment on lumber availability.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“I would rather bleed out than sit here and talk about my feelings for 10 minutes.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“I’m your number one fan.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“Good fences make good neighbors… and good neighbors keep their damn dogs quiet.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“That’s what she said.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“Do you have a job? Do you live alone? Do you own property? If the answer to all three of those questions is yes, then we can talk about getting married later in life if it’s important to you.” -Ron Swanson Quotes

“Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to that.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“I’ve been here before, I have a very unique way of reflecting…and what you see is not always what you get.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“Well…now that my secret is out, everyone walks up to me and tells me their secrets.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“The mind is a terrible thing to waste.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“If you call me ‘old man’ one more time, I’ll kick your ass.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“I’m that guy who thinks his wife should stick it in the picnic basket and take it to the park.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“A perfect marriage is one in which you both keep each other at arm’s length until you die.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“You know what? If I’m gonna be your husband, I am gonna have to quit talking like a genius douchebag. I’m gonna have to start doing things that normal people do.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“I don’t like to be touched unless my wife is standing over me with a gun.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“I can speak in complete sentences and I can put pants on. I’m a fully grown man. I’m not a child, and I can make decisions for myself.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“Lots of people get divorced after 30 years of marriage. It’s sad, but it doesn’t have to be that way. You know, the secret is to just go separate ways…in the same room…and then leave in one day and never come back.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“The point is not to die. The point is to get the hell out of here alive.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“You deserve a real Christmas tree.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“I wanna hear you say my name.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“We are men, like men have always been, and we’re doing man’s work here! Eating a damn salad!”-[Referring to his feelings on salads.]-Ron Swanson Quotes

“I am too busy being this good looking to care what other people think of me.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“We’ve gotta go make some hard choices.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“Where is it written that we must be married before we can get drunk? I wish there were a law that said, ‘You can’t drink until you’re married.'”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“You know what the difference between a democracy and a dictatorship is? In a democracy, you vote first and take orders second. In a dictatorship you don’t have to waste your time voting.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“I’m RON SWANSON! Besides, I’d just be another old guy _breaking in_ some young chick…”-[referring to trying to hook up with Ann.]-Ron Swanson Quotes

“What’s more American than apple pie? Germans with their cars… Americans with their guns. But apple pie is the best, don’t you think? Or I could make it a cheeseburger. Did you like my new diet?”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“You’d love each other. You’re both creative and quirky and interesting, and you’d get along beautifully on your own.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“Focus on the beauty you see around you, not what you don’t like.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“A perfect marriage would be one in which your spouse did most of the talking… to the point where it becomes exhausting and irritating.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“Couples lie to each other all day long, spending more quality time together talking about nothing than they spend doing anything else.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“Fishing is boring.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“I’m no expert on dating, but I’m pretty sure that if a guy says you should wait two to three years to get married, that means he’s not proposing anytime soon.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“I love you.” “I know.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“You gotta know when to hold them, know when to fold them…”-[referring to poker chips. In the end of the episode, he was seen putting them into a box as if he were actually folding them.]-Ron Swanson Quotes

“I don’t want to make it sound like I’m completely against [this wedding], but I will say I’m a bit of a contrarian when it comes to weddings… Mostly, I don’t want anyone else having fun.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“I spent some good years of my life voting for a lot of bad politicians, and now I’m being punished for it.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“In the end, the only things we leave behind us are our footprints in sand.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“You know you’re dating a genius when she can make you think you’ve just won and then take it away from you.”-[referring to his relationship with Diane.]-Ron Swanson Quotes

“I have a small collection of toys from the communist bloc. They’re all made of plastic and look like they were designed by a mental patient.”-(On a blind date.)-Ron Swanson Quotes

“I’ve had three heart attacks… And I can tell you: they all happened in public.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“In this town, the only thing you keep is the friends you keep.” – Ron Swanson Quotes

“Nothing’s sadder than wasted potential. Well, except for cervical cancer.” – Ron Swanson Quotes

“I say we fight to keep our parks just the way they are. Cold, dark and covered in snow.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“Never half-ass two things. Whole ass one thing.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“I’m not gonna be a part of your pity party… I feel sorry for you, which is entirely different.”-[to Michael.]-Ron Swanson Quotes

“I love the mellowing of my personality, as it’s been taking on a little bit of warmth and humor.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“When I had two wives at the same time… I lost almost all my friends.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“I don’t like people who disagree with me. They need to learn how to be quiet and respect my opinion.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“I’m a dick.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“We’re a city where we use the streets as our dust mops, and then we complain when they get dirty.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“I have no idea what it means to say that you’re sorry.” – Ron Swanson Quotes

“I’ll never cut my hair or dress the way I want just to please you.” – Ron Swanson Quotes

“There’s no problem in America that can’t be solved by not thinking about it.” – Ron Swanson Quotes

“I’m sure you’ll enjoy a good sandwich.” – Ron Swanson Quotes

“When Jesus said, ‘Come unto me,’ he meant, ‘Get the hell away from me.'” – Ron Swanson Quotes

“You can tell how old someone is by the number of times they’ve been profoundly disappointed by love.” – Ron Swanson Quotes

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” – Ron Swanson Quotes

“Fairy tales are not about fairies.” – Ron Swanson Quotes

“The older you get the less cool Halloween becomes.” – Ron Swanson Quotes

“I don’t understand why I have to give up my seat on a plane for someone who has never flown before.” – Ron Swanson Quotes

“People who don’t value truth shouldn’t be allowed to make public policy.” – Ron Swanson Quotes

“I’m never wrong.” – Ron Swanson Quotes

“Death is a part of life. It’s not something to fear, it’s something to welcome.” – Ron Swanson Quotes

“It takes a lot of work and planning and thought to look this bad, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.” – Ron Swanson Quotes

“I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a drunk, there’s a difference. See down at the liquor store, they’ll tell you all about it.” – Ron Swanson Quotes

“There is no worse feeling than the one you get when you realize your life has come to be a complete waste.” – Ron Swanson Quotes

“The best way to hold a man is in your arms. Especially if that man is asleep.” – Ron Swanson Quotes

“Guns have no mystery. You bring em home, you clean em, you check ’em, and they work.” – Ron Swanson Quotes

70.”I don’t think it’s possible to love someone as much as I love bacon, but I know as much about it as you do.” –Ron Swanson Quotes

“Happiness is a warm gun. It’s someone to hug when your hearts cold, and someone to cuddle when the rest of the world is empty. It’s happiness in a box. It’s getting married and giving someone a reason to wear a veil.” – Ron Swanson Quotes

“I don’t know if it’s too early to start drinking, but it is too early to stop.” – Ron Swanson Quotes

“I don’t care if you’re black, white, straight, whatever. You treat me with respect and I’ll treat you with respect. The way I see it everyone is going to die. I’d rather live my life as an equal.” – Ron Swanson Quotes

“I’m a real man. I don’t like to cry, unless I’m laughing.” – Ron Swanson Quotes

“I’ll never get married. I’ll tell you why: every time I get married I end up divorced, and when I’m divorced they throw me a goddamn party.” – Ron Swanson Quotes

“We are not gathered here today to discuss the inexplicable mystery of why some people are alive and others aren’t.” – Ron Swanson Quotes

“Sometimes I look at the world around me and it makes me mad, but in other ways it makes me glad. You see, the world is always there to remind you that you’re alive.” – Ron Swanson Quotes

“One of the things I love about my job is that dance is not required.” – Ron Swanson Quotes

“I am a man of simple tastes. I like my steak well-done and always keep some on hand.” – Ron Swanson Quotes

“I’m Ron Swanson. I eat what I like, go where I want, and live my life the way I want. No one tells me what to do.” – Ron Swanson Quotes

“You can be anything you want to be in this country as long as you are willing to work hard and apply yourself… not that you will get ahead or anything, but that’s the idea.” – Ron Swanson Quotes

“Eating animals is a personal choice. I will not judge you for it.” – Ron Swanson Quotes

[“I’m] the best-looking, the most successful man in all of Pawnee.” – Ron Swanson Quotes

“If I wanted to be something, I would’ve been something.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“Life is stressful. You get out as many breaths as you can on a daily basis, and that’s it.” -Ron Swanson Quotes

“If you took all my flaws, and held them up to a mirror, they’d make another person.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“People in advertising and marketing don’t care about the product or service. They care about how it makes them feel when they see that new-car smell.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“You can’t complain when brothers stick together.” -Ron Swanson Quotes

“I’m a 24-year veteran of the Pawnee Police Department. I’m also a goddamn model citizen.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“When I was a kid, my parents bought me a coin collection but only let me buy one coin at a time… So that’s what I did. I bought one coin at a time.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“Majority is just the word that people in power use to justify ignoring the rights of others,. People are sick of seeing what rights they have get stripped away. America is not the government.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“Anytime you want to see something good get done in Springfield, Illinois, you just gotta look at it real hard.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“Then again, maybe people don’t want to see things get better. Maybe they like the idea that our lives are tough and that’s a good excuse for us to be lazy slobs… That’s another show on a completely different network. It’s called Lazy Slobs Who Don’t Want Things To Get Better.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“You don’t go ahead in life by standing still, and you don’t go ahead in life by blaming other people for where you are. “Only the mediocre are always at their best.” – Ron Swanson Quotes

“Don’t let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner.” – Ron Swanson Quotes

“I’m a guy, so I guess I’m supposed to be interested in sports. But I don’t watch them… They’re not interesting to me. They’re just numbers.” – Ron Swanson Quotes

“I think one of the things about being an old guy is that you have these great stories to tell.” – Ron Swanson Quotes

“Money isn’t everything, but making sure you have enough is important.” – Ron Swanson Quotes

“I think dad and I just have a different way of showing our affections. I mean, he loves me, it’s just an incredibly strange way of doing it.” – Ron Swanson Quotes

“People say I’m selfish, but that’s only because I do exactly what I want all the time.” – Ron Swanson Quotes

“Grief doesn’t change you. It reveals you.” – Ron Swanson Quotes

“Sincerity is everything.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“I don’t know what’s wrong with America. Everybody else is getting laid; I’m home alone.” – Ron Swanson Quotes

“A lot of times, losing is fun.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“I love Christmas, and that’s not something you say a lot about the holidays.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

‘I don’t know if it’s too early to start drinking, but it is too early to stop.’–Ron Swanson Quotes

“My advice to the next generation? Get yourself a solid work ethic. Treat people with respect and you’ll be in good shape.”–Ron Swanson Quotes

“I don’t like talking into someone’s chest. They’re not very alert. I mean, you have to stand there and yell ‘Hello?’ at their nipples.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“I’m especially proud of my arm strength. I could give a man a good punch in the face.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“If you put your ear to the ground, all you hear is silence.”–Ron Swanson Quotes

“Sometimes I think maybe the whole world could use a little time off.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“I am an American; We are not known for being soft, but we are known for being frugal.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“I don’t want to be the first guy to die on Mars. There are a bunch of people before me who tried and failed.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“All I know about art is what I can remember from that time I was kidnapped and forced to paint with the Dutch.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“I’m not a big fan of books; they’re just a collection of someone else’s thoughts.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“I don’t think it’s possible to love someone as much as I love bacon, but I know as much about it as you do.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“I’m not an alcoholic; I drink, but… who doesn’t?”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“Sometimes the only way you learn is through example. Otherwise we’d just be teaching all the time.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“I’ll never get married. I’ll tell you why: every time I get married, I end up divorced, and when I’m divorced they throw me a goddamn party.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“If I wanted to be something, I would’ve been something.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“Well first of all, my name is Ron and it’s just a thing you say when people ask your name.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“I think you’re looking at me like I’m a homeless man. Do I look like a fucking homeless man?”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“I don’t know what’s wrong with people. Everyone else is getting laid; I’m home alone.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“People in advertising and marketing don’t care about the product or service. They care about how it makes them feel when they see that new-car smell.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“I don’t want to hear from you ever again.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“I don’t know if it’s too early to start drinking or not, but it is too early to stop.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“Growing old isn’t for sissies, but it can be done… and I’m doing it.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“I think the secret of life is that you should never get involved with anyone who’s smarter than yourself. You will automatically lose.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“I don’t want to be the first guy to die on Mars. There are a bunch of people before me who tried and failed.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“The more I know about women, the more I like my dog.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“A man can live with an idea as long as it doesn’t interfere with his sleep or his job.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“Live every week like it’s Shark Week.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“I am a man of simple tastes. I like my steak well done and always keep some on hand.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“If you want to defeat your enemies, make them your friends.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“If you want to get ahead in life, go east. In Pawnee, it’s always go west.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“I think people are well-intentioned, but you have to remember that the only thing people are really good at is showing you exactly how they feel about what they’re doing.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“The average American has no idea what’s going on around him…”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“I like being an authority figure. Anyone can say ‘boo’ and ‘choo. I can make a train run on time.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“I’m not a very good role model. I don’t mind, but you have to understand I’m not gonna change.”-Ron Swanson Quotes

“I don’t like talking into someone’s chest. They’re not very alert… I mean, you have to stand there and yell ‘Hello?’ at their nipples.”–Ron Swanson Quotes