Best Dan Avidan Quotes

I’m not kicking a girl out for eating crackers in bed, I’m fucking eating them with her crackers are delicious. A good saltine. -Dan Avidan

My dream date would be going around Wholefoods stealing free samples… Yeah, and she says ‘One more lap around’ well this is going somewhere tonight.- Dan Avidan

Never let it be said I couldn’t suck my way to victory. – Dan Avidan

This is all the biological data we currently have on record, but we know very little about how or why he possesses such unimaginable powers.- Dan Avidan

That’s how you break down, uh, an unassailably lovable character, just make him a pedophile. – Dan Avidan

Fingers crossed we’re gonna beat Team Four Star… Because the winner gets to do an interview with IGN, and we all know that’s the real goal. – Dan Avidan

Hey, you can’t go wrong when you are a god among men… so just apply that to anything really.- Dan Avidan

The only thing I’ve learned from the whole experience is that my wife loves me very much; she paid a lot of money to send me here.- Dan Avidan

The only reason that I am capable of producing the content that I produce is because I don’t stop. – Dan Avidan

I wanna work for you guys, but unfortunately we’re the producers of “My Little Pony” on YouTube…- Dan Avidan

I’d rather be watching TLC, even if you were watching me.- Dan Avidan

It’s really weird to use your hands to create something and then an hour later be like ‘that was my hand. – Dan Avidan

I have no idea what’s going on anymore, and I’m not really sure if I want to know.- Dan Avidan

It’s a ‘Twilight Zone’ episode where I’m a guy with a ponytail and a jar of mayo?- Dan Avidan

Forget the world! This is where you come to find happiness, to drink good beer, and watch my favorite movie… “To All My Boyfriends. – Dan Avidan

How is this anything but a good thing? Can you imagine what the state of

children’s programming would be if I was on Nickelodeon? I mean,

they’d have to close down Nick.- Dan Avidan

You know, it’s really hard to show you how much you mean to me in just one song… – Dan Avidan

I’ll be glad when this is over, so I can get back to making my own videos.- Dan Avidan

His parents did say they didn’t know how he was going to react… which is just not true.- Dan Avidan

I’m so sorry that I lied to you and said ‘we were playing for charity’- Dan Avidan

There’s a lot of ways that you could go with this character. I’m going to go ahead and jump off the bridge this time. – Dan Avidan

Y’know, like when you’re a kid and you’re playing with somepony at the

video store, and then you go home… and your mom’s already seen it.- Dan Avidan

I’ve got an idea for a video, but we can’t put up 9/11 on YouTube…- Dan Avidan

I’ll never forget that time I went to arts & crafts class, we were making beaded necklaces, and I banged your mom.

Can I borrow a dollar? I need a new hat.

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but today is National Pancake Day.- Dan Avidan

My favorite kind of song… listen to my voice after this song.- Dan Avidan

It’s not that I don’t want you to see me… it’s just that I’m kind of a freak show creature.- Dan Avidan

I went to Target today, which is a big deal for me because I’m not really a person that does much shopping.- Dan Avidan

My favourite kind of poltergeist is the one you can sleep with at night.- Dan Avidan

Listen to this guy- he’s awesome! He gets it! – Dan Avidan

The only goal I have left in my life is to get paid by Comedy Central to not make any more videos.- Dan Avidan

Anybody who knows me knows that I’m not a big fan of the dark… – Dan Avidan

I don’t know why thievery is cool in movies… it’s not cool for me. – Dan Avidan

Can you imagine what would happen if we were on television? We’d be insanely popular.- Dan Avidan

Oh my God, it’s the Mom from “Don’t Look Now.”- Dan Avidan

I can tell that you’re not a fan of the word “epic,” but let me assure you, it is the most epic thing I will ever do.- Dan Avidan

I’m not going to have a new video for this year…- Dan Avidan

The first time I met my future wife, she looked at her shoes and I looked at her feet.- Dan Avidan

Right before I got sent to the bathroom to be fixed… – Dan Avidan

I don’t know how he did it… I’m not going to be able to do what he did.- Dan Avidan

I think that’s a little over-exaggerated, but I can see why you are upset.- Dan Avidan

Some people like the song… some people hate it… some people love it- no one knows the truth.- Dan Avidan

I can’t show you my part… it’s on YouTube already.- Dan Avidan

It’s a lot of fun… like, “Wish me luck as I go down the river…” – Dan Avidan

I’m going to see the Musicians and Comedians Hall of Fame… – Dan Avidan

I heard you’re not a big fan of cheap thrills.- Dan Avidan

He’s my favourite leprechaun.- Dan Avidan

I don’t really want to do that… I’ll just do the old-fashioned way.- Dan Avidan

I’m going to put it on your head, and when you wake up, you’re going to be the most popular guy in camp… – Dan Avidan

I’m not even sure if we can use it because of legal reasons… – Dan Avidan

We can’t let the bus go- we have to figure out what’s wrong with it first… – Dan Avidan

Things that are in a box are usually meant to be taken out and used.- Dan Avidan

I’m from Canada, so it’ll probably be like a different language to me… – Dan Avidan

I don’t have any problems with you… other than the fact that you’re friends with Batman.- Dan Avidan

I’m not sure what I think about this song… – Dan Avidan

I think he might disagree with us.- Dan Avidan

I love the little girl but I don’t think she likes me.- Dan Avidan

I’d like to see what this tastes like… – Dan Avidan

What do you want to know? – Dan Avidan

You know one of the reasons why we’re not good at this game is because every time we do it, we lose… – Dan Avidan

He doesn’t even shave his legs.- Dan Avidan

I just said I’d like to see what this tastes like… – Dan Avidan

My cat was a jerk… The last time I played Call of Duty, my cat was a jerk- Dan Avidan

He doesn’t need combat skills, he’s got you to do that for him.- Dan Avidan

I’m going to be more successful than the Cat in the Hat.- Dan Avidan

Go ahead, we’re all friends here – Dan Avidan

My cat is the most notable thing about my life. I have friends, but he’s famous.- Dan Avidan

I’m like everyone’s cat, except no one wants to pet me.- Dan Avidan

I have no personality, yet people love me.- Dan Avidan

“Cat in the Hat” is my full name. Everyone thinks it’s because I have a hat on my head, but it isn’t.- Dan Avidan

It’s my birthday…- Dan Avidan

I have a lot of pigeons in the house.- Dan Avidan

And then, out of nowhere, 18 months later… – Dan Avidan

Look at this picture for a second… If you can figure out who I am, you’re smarter than all of us.- Dan Avidan

That’s what he was talking about.- Dan Avidan

That’s what she said.- Dan Avidan

I don’t even see the point of this anymore – Dan Avidan

I don’t use a stuntman… I guess that’s what happens when you’re a little guy.- Dan Avidan

I love dogs.- Dan Avidan

It’s not my hair, it’s my head… – Dan Avidan

It would be really weird to meet them and then have them become Barbie and Ken.- Dan Avidan

Right in the middle of the day…- Dan Avidan

You just got the most popular guy in the world…- Dan Avidan

I’m not doing what you’re thinking… – Dan Avidan

It’s my birthday…- Dan Avidan

It’s my birthday… It’s my birthday… – Dan Avidan

It’s our second episode today, so I thought we’d do it out of order with, like, the first one being a montage. – Dan Avidan

You know, it’s really hard to show you how much you mean to me in just one song… – Dan Avidan

Don’t forget to leave a comment below and let me know if my singing was good enough for you.- Dan Avidan

I hope I’m doing this correctly… I think we press the down arrow once…- Dan Avidan

It’s a Magic: The Gathering card that can’t be played. – Dan Avidan

I think I’m going to put the clip on the back of the video.- Dan Avidan

This is our entire vlog.- Dan Avidan

95. The first time I played Call of Duty, my cat was a jerk – Dan Avidan

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but today is National Pancake Day.- Dan Avidan

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but today is National Pancake Day. – Dan Avidan

There’s a lot of ways that you could go with this character. I’m going to go ahead and jump off the bridge this time.- Dan Avidan

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but today is National Pancake Day.- Dan Avidan

Man, I hate this game.- Dan Avidan

My favorite kind of song… listen to my voice after this song.- Dan Avidan

It’s not that I don’t want you to see me… it’s just that I’m kind of a freak show creature.- Dan Avidan

Can I borrow a dollar? I need a new hat. – Dan Avidan

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but today is National Pancake Day.- Dan Avidan

It’s my birthday…- Dan Avidan

My favourite kind of poltergeist is the one you can sleep with at night.

I’m not the coolest guy in the world, but I know all these people…

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but today is National Pancake Day.- Dan Avidan

I’m not going to have a new video for this year…- Dan Avidan

I’m not the coolest guy in the world, but I know all these people… – Dan Avidan

When I first met my future wife, she looked at her shoes and I looked at her feet.

It’s my birthday…- Dan Avidan

Can you imagine what would happen if we were on television? We’d be insanely popular.

I think that’s a little over-exaggerated, but I can see why you are upset.

My favourite kind of poltergeist is the one you can sleep with at night.- Dan Avidan

I’m not going to have a new video for this year…- Dan Avidan

It’s my birthday…- Dan Avidan

I think he might disagree with us.- Dan Avidan

I’m going to put it on your head, and when you wake up, you’re going to be the most popular guy in camp… – Dan Avidan

I don’t really want to do that… I’ll just do the old-fashioned way.- Dan Avidan