97+ (BEST) Famous Funny Parks And Rec Quotes

Funny Parks And Rec Quotes

“Put some alcohol in your mouth to block the words from coming out.”—Ron Swanson (Season 6, Episode 18)

“I am a goddess, a glorious female warrior.” —Leslie Knope (Season 4, Episode 4)

“Time is money; Money is power; Power is pizza; Pizza is knowledge. Let’s go!” —April Ludgate (Season 6, Episode, 10)

“Just remember, every time you look up at the moon, I, too, will be looking at a moon. Not the same moon, obviously. That’s impossible.” —Andy Dwyer (Season 6, Episode 5)

“One person’s annoying is another’s inspiring and heroic.” —Leslie Knope (Season 6, Episode 5)

“Leslie, I typed your symptoms into the thing up here, and it says you could have network connectivity problems.” —Andy Dwyer (Season 2, Episode 2)

“I promise I’m not here to make you uncomfortable. I’m here for me, so that I can feel comfortable.” —Ron Swanson (Season 3, Episode 1)

“You’re the kind of guy who goes on a roller coaster and doesn’t reach up for a barf bag. You like to get right up on the edge and then fall off and leave everyone feeling sick to their stomachs. But me? I like to live life more in-between.” —Pam Beasley (Season 4, Episode 3)

“I’m a fry cook. I look forward to the inflection in your voice when you say fries. The way you clearly hate me but still order them anyway.” ― Leslie Knope (Season 6, Episode 8)

“You got here … by stalking me.” —Ron Swanson (Season 2, Episode 9)

“I feel like I’m standing at the edge of a cliff with no idea of what’s about to happen to me, and when I see it, there’s going to be a lot of regret. So much regret. You know how when you dream there’s that moment where you say, ‘Wait a minute! We never put on pants!’ This is my pantsless moment; this is the pantsless dream.” —Tom Haverford (Season 2, Episode 13)

“ What’s the deal with guys saying it’s not them, it’s you? I don’t get that. Why can’t they say, ‘It was me, and I’m an idiot’ ?” —Leslie Knope (Season 3, Episode 11)

“If you build it, he will come. He did.” —Tom Haverford (Season 2, Episode 11)

“I don’t want to have sex in the office, but I don’t know how to say it without sounding like a sex-having maniac.” —April Ludgate (Season 4, Episode 16)

“How is that even possible? She’s the most cheerful person I’ve ever met and also the biggest buzzkill in the world.” —Ron Swanson (Season 5, Episode 16)

“I direct my anger at the people I hate. I think that’s why they call me a Scorpio.” —Andy Dwyer (Season 3, Episode 2)

“I’m just her foot-in-the-door guy. If you’re gonna do it, you gotta do it right from the beginning.” —Mark Brendanawicz (Season 1, Episode 8)

“It’s not about cutting the budget. It’s about managing your resources so that you can invest in your people and improve their skills and their efficiency. That’s how you cut the budget.” —Leslie Knope (Season 1, Episode 3)

“Luckily, I have a very supportive family. But when your spouse is the mayor, sometimes there’s a feeling that the most important thing is keeping up appearances.” —Leslie Knope (Season 1, Episode 1)

“I don’t know why you’re calling me to confirm your lunch plans; I’m not the Uptown Pancake House.” —Andy Dwyer (Season 1, Episode 3)

“People like meat, Jerry. It’s simple; it’s primal.” —Tom Haverford (Season 1, Episode 5)

“She hates children, she hates anyone who doesn’t speak Spanish, she hates democracy; she thinks people should be allowed to die in the streets. And Leslie is friends with her? Wow, I’m starting to think all of my friends are terrible people!” —Tom Haverford (Season 1, Episode 13)

“I’m not here to make you spend money on me! I’m not here to enable you! I’m here to be your minion!” —Andy Dwyer (Season 1, Episode 5)

“No one but us is going to see her movies.” —Mark Brendanawicz (Season 1, Episode 14)

“I’m doing what any normal person would do in a situation like this: I go outside and fill the air with static electricity.” —Andy Dwyer (Season 1, Episode 10)

“I’m not that guy. I’m not the kind of guy to go around putting up Spider Webs on every piece of art in the museum.” —Tom Haverford (Season 4, Episode 17)

“You’re early! And you’re already dressed! How lucky for both of us!” —Leslie Knope (Season 3, Episode 14)

“I like being a person. I like knowing that somebody is acknowledging my existence and that I’m not just a number or some vague concept.” —Andy Dwyer (Season 3, Episode 15)

“If you want to help me raise money for the museum’s permanent collection, you could’ve gotten a bake sale to go with it.” —Tom Haverford (Season 4, Episode 17)

“So what’s the word tonight? ‘Hazelnut’ because it’s an unusual word, or ‘walnut’ because it’s a not-uncommon word?” —Jerry Gergich (Season 3, Episode 5)

“Okay, but what if I got deodorant on my shirt before I left this morning? Now won’t my body smell fresh for you no matter how long I’ve been away?” —Andy Dwyer (Season 4, Episode 7)

“Why, I’m so much better than you! I’m smarter than you! I have an awesome personality, and you don’t!” —Leslie Knope (Season 4, Episode 20)

“We can’t get married. I’m not allowed to marry a stranger.” —Tom Haverford (Season 4, Episode 15)

“I hate this question because it’s a trick question and the only answer is ‘none of the above.” —Tom Haverford (Season 4, Episode 17)

“I think I made a mistake putting on pants today.” —Jerry Gergich (Season 3, Episode 9)

“I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be able to get married or be in love or whatever, I’m just saying that the wedding/love part is kind of optional!” —Tom Haverford (Season 4, Episode 15)

“I’m just a guy who’s good at his job, and the other day, I was having a very bad day at my job. And I had to do something very difficult… and then you were there for me. And it wasn’t exactly an official duty or anything, but you made me feel better. And I don’t think we should be afraid of stuff like that anymore.” —Chris Traeger (Season 4, Episode 8)

“It’s a little confusing, but I think the important thing is that we’re together. We’ll have plenty of time to figure out the details later… is there anything else you want to know?” – April Ludgate (Season 2, Episode 25)

“I don’t want to marry you for your money or your house or your condo or your horses or whatever. I don’t want to be with you because I can’t stand the thought of being without you.” – April Ludgate (Season 2, Episode 25)

“Not to mention that you always wear a T-shirt that says ‘My wife isn’t here today, she’s in Cancun’ which is definitely a tip off that maybe she’s not here now. So maybe we should just not do it.” – April Ludgate (Season 2, Episode 22)

“There’s no way you’re marrying that guy!” – Chris Traeger (Season 3, Episode 22)

“I’ve been going to the movies ever since I was a little boy. I don’t know why movies aren’t a bigger part of my life now.” – Tom Haverford (Season 4, Episode 2)

“This city is amazing! It’s like that movie “Ratatouille” But with humans instead of rats and garbage instead of frying oil. It’s still really good though.” – Tom Haverford (Season 4, Episode 13)

“Here’s the thing: I’m not a competitive person, and I don’t like to win. It’s always been my policy to finish last in any race where I possibly can.” – Chris Traeger (Season 3, Episode 21)

“I don’t want to have a fight with you… I don’t want to have sex with you!” – Tom Haverford (Season 3, Episode 11)

“Hey, Jerry, who was the best president of the United States?” – Leslie Knope (Season 1, Episode 15)

“I’m sorry for calling you a terrorist. I don’t know what else to call people who live in trailers and hoard food and hunt people for sport… That was really bad. And maybe it’s not fair.” – Leslie Knope (Season 3, Episode 1)

“I put on my skivvies, which is an underwear set for women that covers the parts of a woman’s body that other people don’t want to see, like her boobs.” – April Ludgate (Season 2, Episode 22)

“I want to go with you! I want it to be all of us! I want it to be the four of us!” —April Ludgate (Season 5, Episode 7)

“You know, in 1778, the British government outlawed window-looking. They said that a man could not look out his window anymore because he might see something he liked and then buy it for himself. I look out my window a lot. I like watching stuff…” – Jerry Gergich (Season 3, Episode 8)

“I’m not saying it’s the best of all possible worlds, but this is probably right up there with it.” – Leslie Knope (Season 2, Episode 18)

“The Pawnee-Eagleton merger is a big deal. It’s the first time two towns have been married on T.V.” – Chris Traeger (Season 3, Episode 22)

“You can’t say “tit” either? I thought that was just a British thing.” —Tom Haverford (Season 1, Episode 12)

“I’m really good at doing stuff!” – Tom Haverford (Season 2, Episode 7)

“Well, I never! I was just trying to help you remember where the library is and you go and say something like that.” – Leslie Knope (Season 2, Episode 21)

“I am proud to be a member of the Pawnee Zoo polar bear club.” – Jerry Gergich (Season 4, Episode 18)

“I don’t have a lot of time to talk right now. I’m on my way over to the DMV.” – April Ludgate (Season 2, Episode 12)

“I don’t want to be alone… But … but I’m trying! I think if you asked me out again, I’d say yes.” – April Ludgate (Season 2, Episode 18)

“And…and…and I’m sorry for saying that you were my favorite!” –April Ludgate (Season 2, Episode 20)

“I’m not very good at apologizing when I do something bad, but that was really bad.” – Tom Haverford (Season 5, Episode 1)

“It was a mistake to marry her. I just didn’t realize it until after we got married. The mistake is mine, and only mine.” – Jerry Gergich (Season 3, Episode 25)

“I know the ponytail was a little cliché, but I thought it would look cute!” – April Ludgate (Season 5, Episode 7)

“There’s something special about you, Jerry Gergich.” – Leslie Knope (Season 1, Episode 12)

“You just don’t want to miss out on any of the Pawnee action. Like… Tina Fey came to visit the library.” – April Ludgate (Season 4, Episode 21)

“There’s been a lot of talk around here the last few weeks about getting really close and personal with each other. Some of you have been worried that there might be a hidden agenda in that direction. But I assure you there is not.” – Leslie Knope (Season 3, Episode 1)

“I’m a little concerned with how much time we spend talking about our feelings.” – Chris Traeger (Season 4, Episode 10)

“It’s not that there isn’t a lot of love in our town. There’s just too many people and the zoo is out of money to keep things going.” – Jerry Gergich (Season 3, Episode 13)

“I’m glad you’re here, Jerry. I just miss you when you’re not here.” – Leslie Knope (Season 2, Episode 21)

“Oh my God, I think it’s me too! I know this sounds silly, but I think I’m the one with the horrible allergies!” – April Ludgate (Season 5, Episode 6)

“I’ve been thinking that maybe in the future we could get some kind of service animal just so we can all have a little fun. Like a dog that drinks out of the toilet.” – Tom Haverford (Season 4, Episode 11)

“Jerry’s back! I just look at you and I know there’s nothing but love between us.” – April Ludgate (Season 5, Episode 7)

“I can’t believe everyone is getting married to their significant others here at the library!” – Jerry Gergich (Season 3, Episode 1).